Skip to main content

Old and Cold

 Why do they call it "Old Man Winter"?

I suppose it's because no matter how young you are, Winter will always be an old weather phenomenon that affects most everyone.  (Fuck you, people in tropical climates.)  A lot of people romanticize Winter, and I too, would like to stare out the window while drinking my hot chocolate and get a fuzzy, cozy feeling about the beauty of Winter.  I would like to, but I won't.

I'm old, my old injuries and surgeries ache anytime the barometric pressure changes, I have to wait hours after one of my hot showers before I go outside, and even then I have to wrap myself up to look like a human burrito.  When I finally go outside with 13 layers of clothing, I inevitably run into some dick jogging in their short shorts, or some idiot on a bicycle headed my way and shouting "cold enough for ya?!"

So many times I hear people say "Oh, I love Winter and its magic!"  Shut the hell up.  You just like being warm indoors out of the cold.  If you really liked Winter, you would be balls out squatting in the snow raking dead leaves and branches, or clearing driveways for those of us taking shelter from your magical Winter.  I can't be the only one who feels like this.

The look on people's faces as they penguin-walk in the street wearing their own 13 layers of clothing speaks volumes.  At least I think it does.  When I can see their faces.  They can't see me through the masks, face coverings, and foggy glasses.  I hope 2020-2021 brings us all a magical Winter where we're not sheltering in place, stranded under feet of snow, stuck out on the road in our cars after sliding off an icy avenue, or flat on our ass after trying to walk a frozen, icy sidewalk.


Taking a shit in the snow can be dangerous because you run the risk of your asshole becoming frozen to the ground if you expose it. Play it safe and just shit your pants so you can enjoy the warmth of your own turds, if only for a little while.


Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Don't Care About The Rich and Famous

 Every single time I open a new browser window, I get headlines about famous people and their suffering due to some manner of ill fortune. I honestly don't give a flying fart about the woes of rich and famous persons.  These are people who monetize their lives at the expense of countless others who are suffering worse fates and misfortunes.  Give me headlines that make me feel good, give me headlines that make me happy.  Give me headlines that fill me with joy for good reasons.  I don't get off to hearing about the elites suffering like normal people.  Leave that tabloid crap in the tabloids where it can fester.  Leave it out of my internet browsers.
Post a Comment
Read more

Private Vintage Moment

I would love to have been the person who took this photo! At first I thought it was someone who got caught in some sort of flash flood.  The naked man distracted me from taking in his surroundings.  After some focus, I realized this is a vintage image of what looks like a beefy guy washing his modified pickup at the river's edge.  You can see the old train bridge crossing in the distant background, but more importantly, you can see that beefy ass and thick build right in front!  There probably isn't much of this going on anymore.  Now we have subscription carwashes, and few people would be caught dead handwashing their own vehicle, much less doing it naked at the edge of some nearby river.  Moments like these are gone now because of all the technology around us.  That's why vintage photos of these special moments of a man and his truck are so special. 
Post a Comment
Read more

What The Hell Happened?

FACTS FOR THE TIME CAPSULE: At the time of this writing, it is the end of October 2020, Covid-19 still has us by the balls, my body is falling apart, and life sucks because most of America is broke, unemployed, and too stupid to realize it.  Social life, if you dare have one, comes with the ever-present risk that you might pick up a disease and die, or unwittingly bring that disease home and kill your loved ones.  The presidential election, also known as "give big companies all your money now or later", is right around the corner, and I have no idea who is going to win, or how anyone could vote for either one of the two leading geriatric bozos.  (Talk about picking the less painful of two fistings!) In essence, we have lost the last remaining traces of social innocence that we enjoyed for so long. All caught up? Great. None of these guys are me, but if they were, I'd want to secretly get it on with all of them late at night in the tent behind us. Then we would wake up in ...
Post a Comment
Read more